Post-Mid-Term & Spring

Happy new year!! I only felt I should say that since this is my first post in the '07. Even though it's March.

And today was the first day of spring. It would have been a fantastic day had I not been sick, but I got to see other people enjoying it out of the window. I am so excited it's spring because I can start running in the warm sunshine and also warm weather makes me feel generally good about life.

Now I want to talk to you about spring break because school is a really boring subject. (I have a lot of work to do. It sucks. Blah blah. See? Boring!)

For my spring break, I traveled with 16 other people from CSF to New York City for a mission trip. Words cannot describe accurately how amazing last week was and how much God changed my life in just that short amount of time.

We arrived on Saturday night and split up into two teams that would do separate ministries throughout the week. On Sunday we went to the Brooklyn Tabernacle and then explored the city. This included eating some of New York's best pizza (Grimmaldi's! YUM!), wandering around aimlessly, going past the Statue of Liberty on the Staten Island Ferry, and seeing Ground Zero. Ground Zero was an interesting experience to say the least. There was a lot of construction and most of it was barely visible due to fences with mesh in them. It's an odd sensation...to actually be at the site of one of history's greatest tragedies. It's been almost six years and it's still so fresh in all of our minds. I don't really know what to say except that it's a place where both great pain and great hope can be felt.

On Monday, my team went to the New York Rescue Mission, which is the oldest homeless shelter in the United States. We helped them organize their clothing and shoe closets and did some other menial tasks. We thought we were going to be helping prepare lunch and dinner, but they didn't really need our help. That was bad for us because it left us without much to do, but it was also a blessing to know that they were not dependent upon our help in order to function efficiently. These workers manage on their own and help so many people with that work. The team ended up being assigned the role managing traffic flow, which actually ended up being pretty essential to the dinner and having enough space to seat people. All in all, it was a good day and we managed to at least offer some help to the mission.

Tuesday was sort of an educational day for our team. We went to a Hindu temple and a mosque to learn about their respective religions. We sat down with people in their faiths and just had a question and answer session that was really eye-opening and challenging. I learned so much more about their religions and, indirectly, the Christian religion that made this day such a valuable day on the trip. We also did a prayer walk around Little India and a friend and I had a conversation with a couple of atheists from Nepal.

That night we went to the prayer service at the Brooklyn Tabernacle. I really wish I would've gotten more out of this and the Sunday morning service, but I honestly was not impressed by what I saw. The choir was amazing, of course, but the church was very flashy and just so very different from what I am used to. Differences are not always negative, but these ones were. I did not like the preacher at all. He seemed like a showman, not a real man of Christ. He went off on a tangent in the middle of his sermon about women and their modern clothing (or lack thereof) that was mildly offensive and also irrelevant to the point of his sermon. He also attempted to guilt people into offering money by making Jesus into a Big Brother figure who knows how much you make and what you don't give. I don't prefer to think of my Jesus in the negative, thank you. He was also more about his image as an influential preacher than his image as a child of God. I really found the experience to be underwhelming at best.

However, Wednesday was ana amazing day, to say the least. We woke up and discovered, to our utter dismay, that we would be leading an hour and a half worship service that day. That would  have been fine if a.) we had found out sooner than the morning of and b.) all of the people who could sing were on our team. We had to make do with our lone guitar player and semi-pathetic voices. (Make a joyful noise, not necessarily a pretty one.) It was awesome to watch God work, though. In the midst of our panic, things began to fall into place. One of my teammates, Jon, had recently given a message, and so already had one prepared. I volunteered to give a testimony, as did another friend. We figured out a song list that would work for all of us and everything settled into a routine in less than an hour. While it did not go off completely without a hitch, it did go fairly well. And one of the audience members actually remarked about mine and two of my friends' voices during one of the songs and something about the boldness in them that truly moved her. She has no idea how much of a blessing that was to hear because of how much we worried that things were going to turn out terribly.

Wednesday night we split up again and went out into the city to do some ministry for the homeless. My group went to Times Square with food, clothing, water, and toiletries (and some love, of course) to give out. People were generally thankful to have us there and I really felt that we connected with a few people. They may not become Christians overnight, or ever, really. But they know it's there. Just like they probably always have, but they have definitely seen it in action now.  

Thursday was our last day there and also our day to tour the city, and we hit most of the major tourist areas. Empire State, Central Park, Times Square, Fifth Avenue, the Museum of Natural History, Greenwich Village, and other such things. New York City is simply too much to describe here. I would be writing a novel about my love for the city. It is everything I dreamed and more. I will live there one day. When I am unfathomably rich and can afford it, of course.

The main thing that struck me about this week was how much God was pressing it upon us as a group to trust in Him. This trip was not about us, or our worries, trepidation, selfishness. We were constantly reminded to give up ourselves because we were working for others in the name of Christ. When we were terrified on Wednesday, He took care of us and made things turn out well. We could not make plans in our panic; He already had them laid out for us.

I was so sad to see the week end because it was truly one of the best of my life. I would love to go again if CSF goes back next year, and I definitely want to continue doing this type of ministry. I encourage you, too, even if you aren't a Christian, to go and lend a hand at a local soup kitchen, food pantry, or something like that. There are so many people that just need to be shown love in the world, and it is our responsibility to be the people that do the showing. As Christians, we are to love as Christ loves. As humans, we are to act as such.

 That pretty much sums up my life right now. I am so ready for this semester to be over, despite the fact that I'll miss all of my friends up here. I am looking forward to summer and all it has in store, even if it means Speedway will be back in my life on a more regular basis. I am ready for the warmth and no school work.

Hope all is well with you, my readers. Much love and God bless!

The Decemberists- "The Crane Wife"

(1)
It was a cold night
And the snow lay low
I pulled my coat tight
Against the falling down
And the sun was all
And the sun was all down
And the sun was all
And the sun was all down

I am a poor man
I haven't wealth nor fame
I have my two hands
And a house to my name
And the winter's so
And the winter's so long
And the winter's so
And the winter's so long

And all the stars were crashing 'round
As I laid eyes on what I'd found

It was a white crane
It was a helpless thing
Upon a red stain
With an arrow its wing
And it called and cried
And it called and cried so
And it called and cried
And it called and cried so

And all the stars were crashing 'round
As I laid eyes on what I'd found
My crane wife, my crane wife
My crane wife, my crane wife

Now I helped her
And I dressed her wounds
And how I held her
Beneath the rising moon
And she stood to fly
And she stood to fly away
And she stood to fly
She stood to fly away

And all the stars were crashing 'round
As I laid eyes on what I'd found
My crane wife, my crane wife
My crane wife, my crane wife

(2)
My crane wife arrived at my door in the moonlight
All star bright and tongue-tied I took her in
We were married and bells rang sweet for our wedding
And our bedding was ready when we fell in

The sound of the keening bell
To see its pain erect
Soft as fontenelle
The feathers and the thread
And all I ever meant to do was to keep you
My crane wife
My crane wife
My crane wife

We were poorly, our fortunes fading hourly
And how she loved me, she could bring it back
But I was greedy, I was vain and I forced her to weaving
On a cold loom, in a closed room down the hall

The sound of the keening bell
And to see its pain erect
Soft as fontenelle
The feathers and the thread
And all I ever meant to do was to keep you
My crane wife
My crane wife

There's a bend in the wind and it rakes at my heart
There is blood in the thread and it rakes at my heart
It rakes at my heart

My crane wife

(3)
And under the boughs unbowed
All clothed in a snowy shroud
She had no heart so hardened
All under the boughs unbowed

Each feather it fell from skin
'Til threadbare while she grew thin
How were my eyes so blinded?
Each feather it fell from skin

And I will hang my head low

A gray sky, a bitter sting
A rain cloud, a crane on wing
All out beyond horizon
A gray sky, a bitter sting

And I will hang my head low

Where Does the Good Go?

Wow, it's been so long since I've written on here. In high school, I felt bad for going a week with no posts. Now there are months. But the adventures (misadventures?) of high school have become the life of a college student. And sadly, I just don't have that much to say anymore. It's not that there is a complete lack of topics, but so much is going on that I couldn't even begin. I would say that then, I wouldn't have expected life to turn out the way it has. I can't even say that, at the beginning of this semester, I could've predicted the way that life would turn out. That is both good and bad.

As far as school goes, everything is fine. I did really well this semester, and I've made some really good friends that I wouldn't change for anything. My roommate and I have become really good friends, which is a nice change from last year. We might live together next year, as well. Being a Shift Leader at CSF has been so rewarding as I have grown with so many others spiritualy. As far as life in Lexington goes, I am completely content.

But with everything else...I don't know. I think I am at that age. I am 20, leaving behind the teenage years and seeing the oncoming train of adulthood. I am tied to the tracks with help nowhere near. I am so unsure about so much in my life right now, and the stress at home doesn't help. I love being at school because I have a new family there that will listen to me, support me, or just be around to give me a shoulder. I mean, I love coming home to see my parents and my brother, but the longer I am here, the more I am brought down. I have lost whatever connection I had with this place that kept me completely whole and happy. Words can't describe how ready I am for school to begin.

One good thing, though, is that my brother is home this year. My Christmas was screwed up because I had to work, but it was nice to have him around. I missed our running commentary of the gift opening. Christmas was just such an empty affair the last two years that having him here was the one bright shining moment of today.

And now, I am going to switch everything up completely and tell an anecdote with a moral lesson. Listen up, kids, 'cause this is a good one. Oh, and buckle up, this is going to be a switch and a half.

WE ARE....MARSHALL!!!

Oh, sorry. That wasn't what I was talking about at all. That stupid commercial gets me everytime.

Anyway, my friend recently got me an interview with an up-and-coming company. They guy that interviewed me sold it really well. He had one of those stories, you know? The kind that would make Oprah cry and want to give everyone in the audience a brad new Benz? Yeah ,that kind. Well, anyway, when he was describing the life of the company's owner and he said the guy had the perfect life: money, a good house, he gets to travel the world, he has a "fit bod" (his words, not mine), and, oh yeah, money. This was the one point where he failed in his spiel (well, that, and the insanely expensive deposit). How is that a perfect life? Sure, having that much money and opportunity is nie, but how does that define the perfect life? Where is God? Love? I could be happier being fat and poor if I had the love of good people and Jesus. And I work with money a lot, and I don't think it's any coincidence that, at the end of the day, when I wash my hands, the water turns momentarily black as all the dirt comes free. Money is quite literally dirty, and is not a way to perfection or happiness. That is not my kind of life. If I make a good life out of my writing, or whatever it is that I do, then so be it. But it is not my number one priority. And so concludes my moral lesson of today.

Well, I hope everyone out there who still reads Xanga has had a good life. I'll post again sometime, I am sure. I hope you all had a Merry Christmas and have an excellent New Year!

Be good, take care, and God bless!

"So breathe.
Yeah, you were right about me.
But can I get myself back from underneath this guilt that will crush me?
And in the quiet, I saw our sad Messiah; 
He was bored and tired of my laments.
Said, 'I'd die for you one time, but never again.'

I love you so much, but do me a favor, baby, don't reply. 'Cause I can dish it out, but I can't take it." 

Dear Xanga,

I'm sorry I have deserted you for Myspace. But if it makes you feel any better, I have not blogged on Myspace. In fact, I might not ever blog on Myspace. I just have the stupid thing so I can be friends with cool bands. But you, my beautiful Xanga, are a thing of substance. You don't need cool bands or flashy backgrounds. You are quiet and gently encourage thoughts to flow freely, and I respect you for that. I wish so many others hadn't left you cold and alone, but I'll still be your friend.

So, here's what's been going on in my life. I am now a sophomore at UK and it's exciting and kinda sad all at once. I mean, I'm so glad to be back here with all these people I love, but it also reminds me that I am just getting older. We're all growing up so fast. I'll be twenty in two months! Can you believe that? It seems just like yesterday when I was writing to you about my fears of driving, but now I fear that which I know little about: the onslaught of the real world. Luckily I still have a couple of years before we have to really worry about that. Speedway is enough of a taste of the real world for me, thank you!

My classes are pretty interesting. I have Spanish every day of the week, with Grammar and Syntax on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and Intermediate Conversation on Tuesday and Thursday. My friend Katie Fort and I will never have to speak English to each other again! I am really excited for my Major Black Writers class because it seems like we're going to have some really great discussions and my professor is funny and seems like she will help us learn a lot about perspective. I think this will help me grow a lot as a person and writer. My Linguistics class seems like it will be better than I first thought because my teacher seems less hardcore than she did. Maybe she's just mean the first day because the waiting list to get into the class is so large and she has to set up the impression that she's like an army general to make sure only the people that one to be there are there. Honors seems better this year, even if Mr. I-Talk-Too-Much-Without-Ever-Saying-Anything joined the class today. It's okay, though, because that fostered some good discussion.

Other than classes, I've been involved with the Christian Student Fellowship and trying to get freshmen to come see what we're about. I think it's working pretty well. We had a record breaking amount of people at Synergy and a lot of freshmen came to Shift. I am so excited for this year of growing and learning with this group of people. I am really glad I signed up to be a Shift leader. I also have been made a Bible study leader. I am kind of nervous about that since I've never really been involved with a small group Bible study, but I think that I'm ready for it.

Last semester, I wrote about this video we watched at CSF called "The Invisible Children," which was about the Lord's Resistance Army, who have kidnapped thousands of children in Africa to make them soldiers or sex slaves and have killed so many people and left thousands more fearing for their lives. Recently, however, the leaders of the LRA have decided to try and form a peaceful alliance with the Ugandan government and make a cease fire. I just wanted to update you on that so that you can keep all those people in your thoughts. I hope all of that works out for the best. So many lives have been destroyed in the two decades that the LRA has been around, and I hope that peace may come, not only for those in the future, but for those whose lives have already been thrown so off kilter by these horrible acts.

Also keep me in your thoughts as I continue to wonder about a mission trip. I really want to go to Africa. I don't care that I won't be able to do much. I just want to help any way I can.

Well, Xanga, I hope all has been well for you, despite your loneliness. I would love if you wrote me back at:
Keeneland Hall
Box 22
University of Kentucky
Lexington, KY 40526-0011

Until next time, take care! God bless!

Love,
Jared

Iron and Wine- "The Trapeze Swinger"
Please remember me
Happily
By the rose bush laughing
With bruises on my chin
A time when
We counted every black car
Passing your house
Beneath the hill
And up until
Someone caught us in the kitchen
With maps, a mountain range
A piggy bank
A vision too removed to mention

But please remember me
Fondly
I heard from someone you're still pretty
And then they went on to say
That the Pearly Gate
Has some eloquent graffiti
Like "We’ll meet again"
And "Fuck the man"
"Tell my mother not to worry"
And angels with their great handshakes
But always done in such a hurry

And please remember me
At Halloween
Making fools of all the neighbors
Our faces painted white
By midnight we’d forgotten one another
And when the morning came
I was ashamed
Only now it seems so silly
That season left the world
And then returned
But now you're lit up by the city

So please remember me
Mistakenly
In the window of the tallest tower
Call and passes by
But much too high
To see the empty road at happy hour
Gleam and resonate
Just like the gates
Around the holy kingdom
With words like "Lost and found"
And "Don’t look down"
And "Someone save temptation"

And please remember me
As in the dream
We had as rug burn babies
Upon the fallen trees
And fast asleep
Beside the lions and the ladies
That called you what you like
And even might
Give a gift for your behavior
Of lead and chance to see
A trapeze swinger high as any savior

But please remember me
My misery
And how it lost me all I wanted
Those dogs that love the rain
And chasing trains
The colored birds above
They're running in circles
Round the well
And where it spells
On the wall behind Saint Peter
So bright on cinder-gray
In spray paint
"Who the hell can see forever?"

And please remember me
Seldomly
In the car behind the carnival
My hand between your knees
You turn from me
Said the trapeze act was wonderful
But never meant to last
The clowns that pass
Saw me just come up with anger
When it filled the circus domes
The parking lot
Had an element of danger

So please remember me
Finally
And all my uphill clawing
My dear
But if I make
The Pearly Gates
Do my best to make a drawing
Of God and Lucifer
A boy and girl
An angel kissing on a sinner
A monkey and man
A marching band
All around the frightened trapeze swinger

The Return of the Beek

Well, gentle readers, there's been quite a break in my adventures in the land of Xanga. Many, I'm sure, thought I'd yanked up my remaining Xanga possessions and travelled over to Myspace, the land of internet opportunity. Do not fret, fellow faithful Xangans, for I have not deserted you. Though I will one day get one of those newfangled Myspace pages, I will never wholly abandon this land of Xanga, where so many of my memories are written. I feel as if this is part of my heart.

So I am sure all three of you remaining out there (as apparently, I am the only one waxing sentimental over Xanga and not leaving) are anxious to hear what I've been doing with myself over the summer. The answer: not much. I think I am on book number sixteen, and would probably be far beyond that had I not unknowingly sold my soul to Speedhell...err...way. Yeah, Spedway. No! I mean, Speedway! Yes, I am actually part of the work force. I basically stand for eight to ten hours a day listening to people complain about gas prices, their own jobs, or the incompetence of me and my coworkers. I also sell them their gasoline, their godforsaken cigarettes (Who knew there were so many varieties, honestly?! And who gives a flying flip whether it's in a box or soft package?!), and their stupid lottery tickets that will never win them back all the money they've spent buying the confounded things. So, yes, I've become a bit embittered working at Speedway, but at least there's a paycheck. And a rather nice one, at that.

Other than that, I've not been up to much. I've had some good times with Meghan, Amy, and company at Meghan's house (middle of the night trips to the cemetary with one flashlight, anyone?). Also discovered that sleeping in a big pile of people is a lot of fun and you miss it when they're gone. I wish we all didn't have to work so daggone much! Otherwise, Kayla and Brittanay and I have been up to the usual.

I really wish I had more exciting things to tell you. I mean, I went to King's Island and that was fun (especially David Crowder in concert...he's amazing!!!). I went to my friend Kristi's wedding and it was probably the most beautiful ceremony I've ever seen. I also had fun in E-town that weekend with my beloved Facebook wife, whom I miss deeply as I am too busy bringing home the bacon to talk to her. I also met someone on my way back and I think, finally, that this may go somewhere. In a few weeks, God willing, Kayla and I (and anyone else that wants to go, I guess) should be traversing to see Vienna Teng in concert again (though this time only in Louisville). That's pretty much the only vacation I get since I spent spring break in Texas. I vote next summer that a bunch of us take a road trip with the destination being a beach-like place. I need some out-of-Kentucky time, please!

Alright, well that's about it for now. I swear one day that I am going to have something life-changing to say. But, I'll be back sooner than that with the usual banality. I might be back even sooner on Myspace. But I'll be back to you, my dear Xanga, soon enough.

Until then, I'll see you around.

P.S. I'm pretty much in love with the acoustic guitar in this song, even though it's kinda sad. It's my obsession of the week.

Old 97's- "Adelaide"
Heaven i need drug
Her eyes are all but fixed upon her coffee cup
And looking down she tells you things are looking up
Take another slug

Heaven I had a dream
But now my lifes a nightmare of efficiency
She rattles off the things she never got for free
Gearing up to scream

I remember when
I had you and you had so much promise then
You promised me that you would never leave again
To be broken you were made Adelaide

Heaven i need a rest
I recognized the voices talking in my head
I couldnt make out everything the voices said
Loving you is a test

I remember when
I had you and you had so much promise then
you promised me that you would never leave again
To be broken you were made Adelaide

Heaven i need a drink
Im here because they're paying me to do my thing
They never specify what it is i should bring
Im right up on the brink

I remember when
I had you and you had so much promise then
You promised me that you would never leave again
To be broken you were made Adelaide

Watch your hands, David Coppafeel!

We'll do it all, everything, on our own 
We don't need anything or anyone 

If I lay here 
If I just lay here 
Would you lie with me 
And just forget the world 

I don't quite know how to say how I feel 
Those three words are said too much 
They're not enough 

If I lay here 
If I just lay here 
Would you lie with me 
And just forget the world 
Forget what we're told 
Before we get too old 
Show me a garden that's bursting into life 

Let's waste time 
Chasing cars 
Around our heads 
I need your grace to remind me 
To find my own 

If I lay here 
If I just lay here 
Would you lie with me 
And just forget the world 
Forget what we're told 
Before we get too old 
Show me a garden that's bursting into life 

All that I am 
All that I ever was 
Is here in your perfect eyes 
They're all I can see 
I don't know where 
Confused about how as well 
I just know that these things 
Will never change for us at all 

If I lay here 
If I just lay here 
Would you lie with me 
And just forget the world